Thank you for the sugar, madam
charukesi November 11th, 2005
We went back to the old age home last evening. They look for donations to buy provisions and we had offered to buy their sugar every month. Our point of contact earlier and yesterday was Sunaina. Sunaina is always neatly dressed, her sari pinned up and face bright and smiling as she welcomed us. She was sitting with the others on the sofa in the common area watching television.
As we handed over the sugar packets, Sunaina insisted that we stay back for dinner - we had refused on Diwali day since there was family waiting for us back at home. When we refused again yesterday, she insisted that we have some snacks - yesterday was a trustees’ meet at the home and there was batata wada in their honour. As we finished our batata wada and rose to leave, Sunanina said, thank you so much for accepting it.
They were sharing their food with us and they were thanking us for eating it.
She repeated her thanks for the sugar - the same words that had made us squirm in embarrassment earlier - thank you, sir, thank you, madam, it is very kind of you. She is older than my mother - she should not be calling me madam - for any reason. I held her hands - aunty, please don’t call me madam - I feel very bad - my name is Charu.
I had only seen Sunaina smile till then. As I said it, she had tears in her eyes. And she looked away. And I walked out swiftly - but I could not hold back my tears the way she did.
Sunaina - and each one of the women there - have seen better lives. They have led lives of comfort; that comfort which comes from material things, and more importantly, that which comes from caring for and being cared for by your family and children. They should not have to go through this. They should not have to ask people for donations to buy sugar. They should not have to call people much younger than them sir. They should not have to live so far away from their children, seeing them only in the sweets they send at Diwali and the presents they send on their birthdays. And the occasional photographs - see how tall your grandchild has become.
But then, what do I say? That they are better off than the others… others without a place to live, or those living in places like this…? Abandoned children still have hope, a future, a life to look forward to. Abandoned parents?
Useful post…
i have totally mixed feelings about this whole issue
the nriol article for eg:
it seems there is so much burden put on the nri kids
i know for a fact the amount of guilt my brother and cousins carry since they hv a life away from India
but isnt it for this same life for the kids that the parents struggled and went all out to ensure that their kid gets into the best college they could afford, write GRE etc:
but then with the education and opportunities that they have provided
and the scope that is present one has to sometimes choose to stay away from them
and why is the burden solely on NRIs
what about children living away from parents in bombay or delhi (since am a s.indian-obviously the same will hold good the other way around)
isnt it the same…
they too get to meet parents probably once or twice a year
and do the sunday phonecalls…
in this age of communication and supersonic travel
are distances really an issue
even if the parents went visting kids from south to north (or vice versa)
there is a language issue
and the lifestyle, interests are diff
so why all the hoopala only wrt the nris
if children had to stay with parents like the old setup
it might just not be practical and effective
in today’s scenario
it typically only works when the son inherits his father’s business
(in olden days it was not unheard of for daughters not to come visit
parents for years together even they only lived a few villages away)
p.s- even though am just 350km away from my “home” i do carry this guilt
i do have these dreams of smthg happening to them and things going wrong
since i will not be there to take some kind of immediate action
but then thats how it is guess!!!
i might hv seemed totally incoherent….
and about the old age home that $@#$@ desai runs are you are aware of any followup on the news item.
if we can move them to a better place i can try and organise for some funds through
friends and family
(i.e if the family provides rs.1000 per mth which is the current charges
if there is a better place we can organise for the difference)
there are probably numerous such instituitons but atleast the ones that have been brought to our attention we can do something
why the @$@#$ arent human rights organisations doing anything about these inhuman clinics/homes
they almost always seem to have the most trivial agendas otherwise
i know its a sweeping generalisation but after that article i dont think even the most hardened souls can stay unpertrubed
The very term—abandoned parents—sends goosebumps over my skin—I can picture their eyes—devoid of hope,trust dead, helpless, miserable. And all this done by flesh of their flesh. sometimes, it is not even economic cosiderations that lead to the abandoning of old people like that—it is just that the children are too impatient to deal with the quirks of old people. They are–yes–ashamed of their parents in “high” society. “How do you have a party in the house, with a parent eating sloppily?” But my question to such people is– don’t the guests have parents too? In fact they should introduce their parents proudly to their guests.
There was a time not too long ago, where most houses had some aged relative (not a parent)being looked after, because they had nobody of their own. From that, to abandoning one’s own parents—progress indeed!
Vanathi, first time here?
Tp, I can understand your sense of frustration - I felt the same way when I first read the mid day report - I kept thinking about what what kind of people would do that to old, helpless people… and yes, for every one such organisation that gets written about, there are hundreds others where old people face abuse. but there are also many such places doing good work. the place I visisted, for instance, was very clean and cheerful.
as for the their bit, why do you think this is only about “NRI children”. I just happened to mention the lady and her daughter in Switzerland - the daughter could well have been living in Pune or even South Bombay. same difference.
Lak, have a look at the pics on the mid day report for more goosebumps. terrible.
There is a movie called “Shararat” starring Abhishek Bachhan–it wasn’t a hit but it brought a lot of issues about old-age homes into focus. The pathos was brought out quite well. For that matter even “Baghban” was supposedly about unwanted parents, but with the suave big B and the svelte Dream girl, the pathos didn’t really come across.
Lak, I remember shrarat - watched it quite by chance on tv and found it surprisingly good. amrish puri was particularly good in that. Baghban was by contrast bleh!
charu , i havent seen shararat ..but baghban i found quite a emotion wrenching movie . anyhow the logic is the same in all these movies .