Give me more jargon…

charukesi April 1st, 2006

You know you are not suited for corporate life when:

- your boss says, we have never faced that problem before. As a company, we have grown organically. And you think, like fungi?…

- your colleague emails you on how a certain simple action needs to be a two way process with definite entry and exit points, and you are too embarrassed to even say here what you were thinking about when you heard that…

- your client mentions paradigm shift and you choke on your coffee and make it worse with that fake cough, trying to stifle the laughter that threatens to spill out…

- you in turn, hear your colleague discussing the date for the kick-off meeting with the client, and develop completely unacceptable fantasy themes around the ‘kick’ bit…

- your boss (again) complains about how there has been no buy-in yet from top management for the new business idea, and you catch yourself (in a totally unguarded and extremely painful-to-admit moment) wondering about why they have not been able to leverage their positive synergy with the guys on top…

- you promise yourself that you will not physically attack the next person who suggests that the team needs to start thinking outside the box…

- you begin to spend at work less time on blogging and more on thinking up new jargon that sounds complicated enough to throw the listener off track for a few moments and at the same time impresive enough to ensure that the listener feels like a fool asking for an explanation…

***
Why, oh why, this love for jargon (the sillier the better)…

Why do people wish to obfuscate when they can merely confuse? Or request to you check the document for equivocalism (I didn’t make this word up, someone else did - really) when they can simply as for a quick review?

Does it really make people sound more knowledgable as they believe? Or is this a shield to hide their basic ignorance behind?

These are just questions I have in mind. I however, have no time to think of the answers. I would rather spend quality time working on a professional profile for me to add to this website. I have selected the words that go in, I just need to work out the required modalities in the best possible order so as to to maximise functionality and ensure transparent work-flow models.

List open for suggestions : value-based, architect, re-engineering, competitive advantage, multidisciplinary approach, capitalizing on inherent needs, recontextualize and finally, delightful deliverable…

13 Responses to “Give me more jargon…”

  1. # sherriffon 01 Apr 2006 at 13.30

    I cud really connect to this one….the jargon ppl. use to impress…hmmm…actually its both way….sometime it is used to hide the ignorance….reading ur last para I think, i shud hire u for writing my resume…lol

  2. # Gautamon 01 Apr 2006 at 22.28

    from the bizness blogs:

    Every now and then, the Wall Street Journal does a “data dump” of the latest investing buzzwords or the hottest management consulting jargon. The print edition of the Wall Street Journal had a column by Carol Hymowitz discussing the latest buzzwords in Corporate America, most of which have been invented or promoted by consultants. In terms of innovation and creativity, it looks like “knowledge acquisition” is the new phrase du jour, replacing “the war for talent.” Also making the list:

    (1) Delayering (it sounds much nicer than ‘downsizing’ or even ‘rightsizing’)
    (2) Skills development
    (3) Unsiloing (a very awkward term derived from silo, a noun)
    (4) Execution (the good kind…)
    (5) Network optimization
    (6) Process flow analysis
    (7) Volume-sensitive business
    (8) Limited downside
    (9) SOX (nothing to do with Boston or Chicago…)

    and, of course, (10) Web 2.0 (I can tell you what that means !)

  3. # harryon 02 Apr 2006 at 15.59

    nice one! great blog u got up here….keep rockin!

  4. # lorenzon 03 Apr 2006 at 00.40

    Hehe, funny. Jargon sounds even more “impressive” if you use it in other languages like German. I heard that many people working with TV / media in Germany mostly use these buzz-words (not translated) in their (kick-off-)meetings. But social science might be even worse, you might know this one here about the tribal language of postmodernalists? :)

    HOW TO SPEAK AND WRITE POSTMODERN”
    http://cscs.umich.edu/~crshalizi/how-to-talk-postmodern.html

  5. # WAon 03 Apr 2006 at 12.59

    :)

  6. # harini calamuron 03 Apr 2006 at 13.02

    i used to have a sticky up on my soft board when i was at zee ed.
    Perfectly Presented Pedagogic Paradigms - it read :)
    that’s is what it is!!
    Oh and all of corpo talk is about TLA’s - three letter acronymns :)

  7. # Chitraon 04 Apr 2006 at 08.24

    Tee hee…nail hit on the head :) !

  8. # Padmaja Iyengaron 04 Apr 2006 at 10.20

    That was a great blog on jargons. The corporate world loves to lose itself in jargons and creates an unrealistic world of comeptition, overdrive and lip-service. Corporate Governance, Customer Delight, “learn to de-learn to learn” (i always got confused when my CMD uttered these words in meetings}, and so on are jargons especially aimed at confusing the staff and giving wrong signals to the gullible public in general..

  9. # cramon 04 Apr 2006 at 15.43

    Hi Charu

    Great post. Very disruptive, tremendous value addition but I don’t see any hockey-stick effect yet. Now, WTF does that mean? No one will ever know, but if I were a consultant I’d be paid good money for such nonsense. End-oriented, end-to-end, robust…I could go on, but hey I am already ROTFLMAO!!!

  10. # cramon 04 Apr 2006 at 15.53

    Before I forget: Learning curve. Wahhhh!!!! What a term. I just can’t get enough of it.

  11. # Wild Reedson 04 Apr 2006 at 22.26

    I remember reading once that there is a lotto (housie) game consisting of such inane jargon words written in rows across a page. Every time there is a meeting and one such word gets said, it is struck off the page. The boss is surprised to find some employee going “yessss!” when he says something about a ‘paradigm shift’… :-)

  12. # charukesion 05 Apr 2006 at 08.58

    I see jargon touches a chord in all of us :))

  13. # ashishon 20 Jan 2007 at 02.16

    Plz post the jargons which an engineering student can use during interview and group discussion….